I’ve been learning lately that not everybody I hang out with is a friend. It is getting incredibly frustrating. I came to Saginaw to go to school seven years ago, and haven’t left. I’m here for the long haul. Many of my friends have moved away, which is typical. I’m still in contact with them and we hang out when we visit each others towns. However, that is not the frustrating part.

I have two friends that I have in mind that have really been a cut to the heart lately. My first friend and I have known each other since I moved here. We met within the first couple weeks of Freshman year and have been friends ever since. Within the past coupe years, we became really close. Her boyfriend cheated on her, and I helped her move out and get over that. We would workout together, go out together, and even just hang out together. Sometimes husband would join too. He loves her too! She has always been the most reliable friend, and I have always done my best to be the same for her. But, she started dating another douche of a guy and seems to find reasons to not hang out. We make plans on plans, and she always bails. She promised she would be there to help us move, especially because I single handedly helped her move. Instead, she decided to go away with her boyfriend for the weekend. She promised she would run a 5k that’s coming up with me and of course she bailed on that. She promised to play in our bachelorette fantasy league, and she bailed on that. One night we were being spontaneous and decided we would meet for some drinks and watch our favorite band play. We make these plans and then just before I’m about to leave she says she is going to go meet her other friend right now, meeting at the place that I literally had just left. That she would text me when she was done. She never text me. She went and met with another friend after that, and left me high and dry. I have had it. I’m so sick of the excuses.

My other friend is a little different. We have been friends for a little less, but we have always been good friends. Lately, I feel like all she wants to do is compete with me and when she loses, she won’t hang out. It is so bizarre. She seems to be jealous of everything that happens, instead of happy for me. I celebrated her birthday with her this weekend. It was us, her and her boyfriend, and one other couple. Today she posted “so happy I got to celebrate my birthday with the best” and posts a collage with 3 pictures. Two of her and her boyfriend, and one of the other couple. Like, what was the point of that other than to hurt my feelings? It’s not like there were 12 couples there. It was just us.

Like is it something I did? Is my weirdness too weird? Have I done something wrong? I will never understand it.

I’m sick of these toxic relationships, though. I’m sick of being let down, and my feelings discarded. I’m sick of having to use my husband as my “girlfriend to talk to”. I’ve decided that I am better, and I am stronger than this. I’m not going to continue to let my “friends” stomp all over me. They aren’t my friends, because friends wouldn’t do this to each other! These are just people I have hung out with. I am only their friend when they need something, and that isn’t enough for me.

I learned the hard way before to never accept being 2nd best in a relationship – and it is no different in friendship. Here is to finding new friends. Friends who encourage each other, are happy for each other, are reliable, who call you before anyone else, who can do anything together, who can fight with each other, and who can challenge each other to be better.