So, I’ve just recently graduated and now I’m on the hunt…for a new job that is. Does anybody know how hard, and unrealistic it is to find a decent job in your field after graduation?? Well let me tell you what, it is damn near impossible! Normally I take the Audrey Hepburn approach and am all like that word says “I’m possible” I can do this! But this is a whole new level.

First reason it is impossible to get a job after graduation: Employers want you to have your degree and 3-5 years experience. HOW??? How could I possibly have my degree AND 3-5 years experience? You wouldn’t hire me without my degree, so how am I supposed to have experience? It makes absolutely no sense. I wasn’t qualified before, and I’m not qualified now. It is a vicious cycle.

Second reason it is impossible to get a job after graduation: Employment agencies. What a joke. Companies want you to work through an employment agency, sometimes indefinitely. Like wtf is that all about? Your hiring process is enough to make someone want to jump off a cliff, but you don’t want to give someone benefits, or pay me enough to make my student loan payments. Ok no, I don’t want your shitty 6 month job with no benefits to MAYBE get another assignment afterward or maybe NOT.

Third reason it is impossible to get a job after graduation: Applications are all done online with a disclaimer ONLINE APPLICATIONS ACCEPTED ONLY, NO ON-SITE APPLICATIONS GIVEN OR ACCEPTED aka WE DON’T WANT YOU HANGING AROUND OUR PLACE. It’s ridiculous. I only reach out to hiring managers when I know I am qualified for a position, because let’s be honest, sometimes you apply for positions that are a bit out of your league because why the hell not. But, I reached out to one manger in particular because I was super excited about the position, and I knew I could do it well. I called and she wasn’t available so I left a message, just introducing myself and making sure she got all of my documents – you never know with computers these days. I didn’t hear anything back. I called again the next week and, again, she wasn’t available. I left another message asking if the position was still available. I heard nothing back again. I called again the next week, and I was instructed to please email her. So I do that, and still NOTHING. If you plan on posting a job, at least have enough decency to keep people who applied informed. AND TAKE YOUR DAMN AD DOWN.

Fourth reason it is impossible to get a job after graduation: Everything is done online. As if it wasn’t bad enough that applications are online only, now people want to Skype interviews. I had an interview where they could see me, but I couldn’t see them. Talk about awkward. Another man joined the interview, who couldn’t be seen either, but he also muted himself. Like are you guys really THAT busy?? What was the point of joining the interview? To see a close up of my face for 30 minutes? Half of a conversation is body language. It was like talking to a brick wall. I was watching my dogs play. And damnit, be prepared for the interview. I was ready with notes, and key words to keep me on track but the woman didn’t know her software. She had me muted and thought she couldn’t hear me because of my internet connection. Needless to say…I didn’t get another interview.

Fifth reason it is impossible to get a job after graduation: The requirements for jobs are outrageous. I know I kind of touched on this one at first, but even shitty jobs want you to have a degree now sooooo the good jobs feel the need to have all this other ridiculous requirements. Like you must be proficient in every single area that we work with even if it doesn’t pertain to the job you would be doing. Like, why? You’re just going to train me anyway. The whole point of taking a new job is to learn, and grow, and improve yourself. If I was already proficient at everything your company does, then I would have your job and I would be interviewing YOU!

In other words, my job search isn’t going well. Good luck to all you other job searchers — just don’t take my job đŸ˜‰